Bilingual Books (French-English)
placeholderplaceholderLe Syndrome de Venus (Bilingual) cover image
Books in English
ARMG2stdTrilogy Kindle pic
Cover of A Twist in the TailNaHSibling Kindle pic
Cover of The Girl from Hell
Cover of The Venus Timeline
Books in French

SirèneKindlecoverJamais CoverFrangine Cover
Syndrome de Venus cover

Books in Dutch


Steve has written and published several books. His first semi-autobiographical book Au Revoir Madame Guillotine appeared in 2013 and recounts the hilariously tricky social and cultural integration of a young Englishman who has moved to France to live with his French girlfriend. The book has been translated into Dutch, by Peter van der Maat, and into French (with the title Mules Frites), by Florence Berger. A bilingual (French-English) version of the book is also available.

A Twist in the Tail, Never at Halloween and The Sibling are the three books that form a fast moving comédie dramatique drawn from the 15 years the author spent around the Nantes-Brest canal and in the Monts d’Arrée in Central Brittany. They appear in one tome under the title A Breton Trilogy. They have been translated into French by Florence Berger under the titles Sirène, Jamais le soir d’Halloween and La Frangine.

Steve’s second bilingual book Le voyage Scolaire Improbable tells the story of a French secondary school trip to England that goes disastrously wrong.

In 2019 he finished writing two more books in English: The Girl from Hell based on his own travels in Norway, and, The Venus Timeline, the first book in Steve’s climate fiction trilogy. The french version Le Syndrome de Venus appeared in 2020 and a bilingual tome is due out soon.

Contact Steve directly for a signed copy of any (or all) of the books at 14 euros each, except Mules Frites Version Bilingue – 18 euros, and A Breton Trilogy – 23 euros. Prices include postage to mainland France. The non-bilingual books are also available on Amazon Kindle.

To find out more about the books read on …

AU REVOIR MADAME GUILLOTINE: The hilarious first book by Steve Humphrey 

Have you ever had, or are you planning, a relationship with someone from another country? Have you ever lived with a partner who had a morbid fear of doing the housework? Or, quite simply, are you fascinated by France or curious about French habits and culture? If so, Au revoir Madame Guillotine could be right up your street.
The story tells of how Steve, at 35, manages to persuade his long-suffering French girlfriend, Marie Noel, aka Merry Christmas, that it would be a good idea if he came to live with her in France. The book recounts the hilarious tale of two cultures that were never meant to come together under the same roof. Steve is faced with social, cultural and culinary differences infinitely wider than the English Channel that he had just crossed.
The book deals with the thorny issue of social etiquette: including how and when to kiss a French person and what to do when you inadvertently swallow vermin sausage at a dinner party. And should you need consoling – in a  linguistic sense –  we get an insight into why mastering high-speed social French is just so difficult.
Thanks to John from Portsmouth for the following precis of the book:
‘I learned more about the day to day nitty-gritty of French life and of the subtleties of French customs and language, through reading Au Revoir, than I ever did from travel guides or traditional books about France.’

MULES FRITES par Steve Humphrey
(la version française d’Au revoir Madame Guillotine)
A 35 ans, Steve parvint à convaincre sa petite amie française, Marie Noëlle (Merry Christmas), quelle bonne idée ça sera qu’il venait vivre avec elle en France. ‘Mule Frites’ raconte l’histoire hilarante de deux cultures qui ne devaient jamais se rencontrer sous le même toit. Soudain Steve doit se confronter aux differences sociales, culturelles et culinaires plus grandes même que la Manche qu’il venait de traverser. Alors qu’il commence à se noyer sous un tas toujours croissant de gaffes et betises, un allié inattendu vient à son aide. Malgré son très jeune âge, Katrina, la fille de sa copine, fait en sorte de le soutenir. Mais est-ce que la petite arrive à sauver l’Anglais quand ce dernier se trouve face au menace inéluctable de Madame Guillotine?
(Nederlandse uitgave)
Op 35 jarige leeftijd, weet Steve zijn lang-lijdende Franse vriendin, Marie Noëlle, of te wel Merry Christmas, over te halen dat het een goed idee zou zijn als hij bij haar in Frankrijk komt wonen. Het boek vertelt het hilarische verhaal van twee culturen die nooit bedoeld waren om samen te komen onder een en hetzelfde dak. Steve wordt al snel geconfronteerd met sociale, culturele en culinaire verschillen groter dan het Kanaal dat hij zojuist was overgestoken. Als de relatie zich voortsleept van de ene faux pas naar de andere, vindt Steve een onverwachte bondgenoot in de drie jarige dochter van zijn vriendin. Maar zal het kleine meisje in staat zijn om hem te redden van de altijd aanwezige dreiging van Madame Guillotine?

A BRETON TRILOGY by Steve Humphrey

Hidden away in the remote hills of Central Brittany, what better way for Steve to get over a failed relationship than to rent a cottage on a bucolic stretch of canal? But a chance encounter with a local girl rapidly embroils the Englishman not only in a new relationship but also in a bizarre plot to avenge the past.
Cartesian by nature and not wanting any truck with local superstitions, le Rosbifis soon fighting a losing battle in his attempt to comprehend increasingly surreal events in a world where belief in the paranormal is still rife.  When a local medium proposes to host a meeting in Steve’s own lock keeper’s cottage, he knows he has little choice other than to accept. Already forced to question the fundamentals of his own beliefs, his world is turned upside down when the séance goes horribly wrong.
This fast-moving comédie dramatique is drawn from the fifteen years the author spent on and around the Nantes to Brest canal and in the Monts D’Arrée in central Brittany. A Breton Trilogy encompasses his three latest books: A Twist in the Tail, Never at Halloween and The Sibling.

“A cracking good read!” … if I say so myself!

A TWIST IN THE TAIL by Steve Humphrey
Arriving at a lock keeper’s cottage on the remote Nantes-Brest canal in deepest Brittany, Steve rapidly discovers that his outwardly quaint new home isn’t all it seems. Neither apparently is Mermaid, a young French woman who happens by.
Curious by nature and determined to find out more, the unsuspecting anglais-turned amateur-sleuth soon finds himself the principal protagonist in a surreal plot to avenge past events.
Not believing in ‘things that go bump in the night’, Steve must apply his Cartesian logic to counter a world where superstition and belief in the paranormal still hold sway.
A Twist in the Tail, a comédie dramatique follows on from Steve Humphrey’s first book: Au Revoir Madame Guillotine and is the first book in the Central Brittany Trilogy.

NEVER AT HALLOWEEN by Steve Humphrey
The consequences of an inopportune séance are far-reaching, not only for the inexperienced medium but more so for the participants. Without being aware of the fact, their pasts and futures have been turned upside down. At a nearby coven, the high priestess knows that time is running out. If she and her followers don’t put right the wrong that has been done, the Spirits will intervene and do it for them.
The remote rolling hills of central Brittany provide the backdrop to a tale of suspense and intrigue where, contrary to metaphysical laws, normal and paranormal are thrown together as the most unlikely of bed fellows. ‘Never at Halloween’ is the second book in The Breton Trilogy and the sequel to A Twist in the Tail.

THE SIBLING by Steve Humphrey
Hindsight is a wonderful thing—or so thought Capitain Le Bolloch. He was now paying the price for not having had the foresight to accept early retirement when it was offered by regional police HQ in Rennes. Instead of pottering around in his new garden in Spézet, he found himself embroiled in a battle of wits—against a nine-year-old girl! But this wasn’t just any nine-year-old. She had abnormal powers and, in the Breton hills where superstition still ran deep, the locals had already branded her a witch. The capitain had no truck with the paranormal, but the girl seemed to know his every move. Tantalisingly, she managed to remain one step ahead of the normally long arm of the law. Le Bolloch knew he wouldn’t sleep easy until he’d caught up with what, for him, had become a cause célèbre. ‘The Sibling’ is the third book in The Breton Trilogy.

SIRENE par Steve Humphrey

Débarquant dans une maison éclusière sur le canal de Nantes à Brest au cœur de la Bretagne profonde, Steve s’aperçoit que sa nouvelle demeure, plutôt pittoresque, n’est pas tout à fait ce à quoi il attendait; tout comme Sirène, la jeune femme qui vient à passer par là. 

Curieux de nature et déterminé à tout apprendre, l’Anglais devenu fin limier se retrouve rapidement le principal protagoniste dans un complot ayant pour but de venger le passé. 

Ne croyant pas au surnaturel, Steve doit faire appel à la logique cartésienne qui le charactérise pour faire face à une monde où la superstition et la croyance dans le paranormal sont toujours présentes. 

Sirène – comédie dramatique est le premier livre dans la trilogie bretonne racontant les aventures rocambolesques d’un Anglais en France.


Une séance de spiritualisme ratée n’est pas sans conséquences, non seulement pour la pauvre medium inexpérimentée, mais encore plus pour les participants.  A leur insu, leur passé et leur avenir ont été bouleversés. Dans un sabbat proche, une grande prêtresse sait que le temps presse. Si elle et ses disciples ne réparent pas le mal qui a été fait, les Esprits le feront à leur place.Les lointaines collines du centre de la Bretagne composent le décor d’un récit où se mêlent suspense et complots. Contrairement aux lois de la métaphysique, le normal et le paranormal s’entremêlent de manière la plus improbable. 

Jamais le soir d’Halloween est le deuxième livre d’une trilogie bretonne et la suite de Sirène.

LA FRANGINE par Steve Humphrey

C’est toujours facile de refaire l’histoire, ainsi pensait le capitaine Le Bolloch, alors qu’il subissait des lourdes conséquences pour ne pas avoir accepté une retraite anticipée quand cela lui avait été proposée par son QG à Rennes. Au lieu de mener une vie sereine dans son jardin à Spézet, il livrait maintenant une bataille, voire un véritable duel, contre une fillette de neuf ans. Cependant, ce n’était pas n’importe quelle gamine de neuf ans. Celle-ci avait des pouvoirs et, dans un arrière-pays superstitieux, elle se révélait déjà en tant que sorcière. Le capitaine n’avait jamais eu affaire avec le paranormal, mais il semblait que cette demoiselle avait toujours une longueur d’avance sur lui. Tant qu’il ne parviendrait pas à rattraper celle qui lui était devenue une ’cause célèbre’, Le Bolloch savait qu’il ne dormirait pas tranquille et que sa retraite ne resterait qu’un simple rêve lointain.

La Frangine est le dernier livre d’une trilogie bretonne.


If any of the students from Les Noisetiers collège in the Lot were expecting that year’s school trip to England to be uneventful, they had a shock awaiting them. Mrs Brown, head of English and leader of the trip, despairs as things begin to go wrong – first with the kids, then, unbelievably, with her colleagues, who, one after the other, start to disappear. But when two of the girls are kidnapped and held to ransom by their host family, it becomes increasingly clear that the 2016 trip will be remembered for a very long time – and not for the right reasons either!

Les élèves du collège Les Noisetiers dans le Lot imaginent un voyage scolaire en Angleterre sans histoire et sont loin de se figurer le choc qui les attend. Les choses se mettent à mal tourner et Madame Brown, coordinatrice de l’équipe d’anglais et organisatrice du voyage, se désespère, d’abord à cause des enfants puis à cause de ses collègues qui, aussi incroyable que ça puisse paraître, disparaissent l’un après l’autre. Mais c’est quand deux des filles sont kidnappées et que leur famille d’accueil demande une rançon, qu’il devient clair que le voyage de 2016 va rester longtemps dans les esprits, et pas forcément pour les bonnes raisons !

THE GIRL FROM HELL by Steve Humphrey

An average student, at an average university – that was Nigel. When, after three years, he finally got his average degree, he just stood by and watched as his contemporaries headed off to start their careers. But the rat-run of kowtowing to the system wasn’t for him.
Nevertheless, he had no idea what to do – until that was, he met Inger. The buxom, blond Norwegian was everything he’d ever wanted in a girl. The only fly in the ointment of eternal happiness was that Inger wasn’t real and only existed in two-dimensional format as a centrefold in a girlie mag. Not to be thwarted, Nigel and Inger – the latter tucked safely away at the bottom of his rucksack – head off to the land of fjords and midnight sun in search of the girl of his dreams.
While he gets to meet lots of girls, some of whom are blond, some buxom and some even called Inger, they have one thing in common – they all end up telling him to go to Hell. Finally, in desperation, he takes their advice.
The Girl from Hell, Steve Humphrey’s sixth book is more than just a comedy. Edvard reckons it’s a … (Scream – geddit?)
The book draws on the author’s extensive travels around a country best known for inventing the Eurovision Song Contest term ‘null points’ and where in the local language the words ‘poison’ and ‘married’ are synonymous!

THE VENUS TIMELINE by Steve Humphrey (Fact through fiction)

Johan had been labelled a climate geek, but the sobriquet meant little to him. After all, he had a planet to save and spent his time organising demonstrations and running social media sites in his all-consuming passion to increase awareness of what he considered to be Earth’s impending doom. But Johan had a secret: he was in contact with Anya and Alex, a couple who claimed to be from the 22nd century.
John Clayford, emeritus professor in the world-renowned Climate Studies Group, has come to accept his new-found celebrity status despite his fire-and-brimstone talks being dubbed by some as the Venus Roadshow. Clayford, aka Prof Brimstone, believes that if drastic action isn’t taken, Earth, like Venus before it, will succumb to a runaway Greenhouse Effect from which there’ll be no way back and whose aftermath will leave the planet uninhabitable.
Johan and Clayford’s paths have already crossed – albeit not altogether amiably – through their shared interest in Maisy, one of the professor’s PhD students. But with the clock ticking inexorably towards what both believe to be a point of no-return for the planet, it takes a tragedy predicted by Anya, and a potentially world-changing revelation from Alex, for them to realise that they need to put their differences aside and work together for the common goal.
The Venus Timeline calls upon Steve Humphrey’s extensive knowledge of both the climate and the environment. It is his seventh book and he sincerely hopes it won’t represent the first port of call on the road to Venus.

LE SYNDROME DE VENUS de Steve Humphrey

On prend Johan pour un geek du climat, mais ce terme ne veut pas dire grande chose pour lui. Après tout il a une planète à sauver et il passe son temps à organiser des manifestations et à gérer des pages sur les réseaux sociaux. Mu par sa passion dévorante il se consacre à faire prendre au conscience des gens de la catastrophe imminente qui, selon lui, menace la planète. Mais Johan a un secret: il est en contacte avec Anya et Alex, un couple qui prétend venir du XXII siècle.
John Clayford, professeur émérite participant au Groupe de Recherche sur le Climat d’une renommée mondiale, a fini par accepter sa toute nouvelle célébrité qu’il doit à une série de discours apocalyptique baptisée par certains « la tournée vénusienne ». Clayford, alias professeur Apocalypse, pense que si on ne prend pas des mesures radicales, la Terre, comme Vénus avant elle, succombera à un effet de serre devenu incontrôlable dont elle ne se remettra pas et qui la rendra inhabitable.
Si Johan et Clayford se sont déjà croisés en raison de leur intérêt commun pour Maisy, une des étudiantes en doctorat du professeur, les relations entre les deux hommes ne sont pas particulièrement amicales. Mais le temps est compté et mène inexorablement la planète vers ce que tous les deux considèrent le point de non retour. Il faut une tragédie prédite par Anya et une révélation venant d’Alex qui pourrait changer le monde pour qu’ils se rendent compte qu’il faut qu’ils fassent abstraction de leurs différends et collaborent à la réalisation de leur objectif commun.
Le Syndrôme de Vénus s’appuie sur les connaissances approfondies de Steve Humphrey sur le climat et l’environnement. Il espère sincèrement que son septième livre n’est pas le reflet de ce qui marque le début d’une évolution de la Terre comparable au modèle vénusien.



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